Setting Up Your Emergency Contacts: Who to Pick and What to Tell Them

You've decided to set up a wellness check-in system. You've picked your rhythm. Now comes the part most people skip: choosing your emergency contacts and having the conversation.

It's the step that feels awkward. Nobody wants to sit a friend down and say, "Hey, so if I ever go silent for 24 hours, here's what I need you to do." But it's also the step that transforms a check-in from a solo habit into a genuine safety net. Here's how to do it right.

Who to Pick: The 3-Person Rule

You need at least two, ideally three emergency contacts. Here's why: one person might be traveling, sleeping, or in a dead zone when the alert goes out. Two people cuts the odds of a missed alert dramatically. Three is ideal.

Your contacts don't all need to live nearby. In fact, a mix of local and distant contacts is better:

• One local contact — Someone within 30 minutes who can physically check on you, your home, or your pets if needed.
• One reliable contact anywhere — Someone who always answers their phone, who knows your life well, and who can coordinate from a distance.
• One backup — Someone slightly less involved but still trustworthy. A coworker, a neighbor, a gym friend.

What Makes a Good Emergency Contact

Not every friend or family member is suited to this role. A good emergency contact is:

• Reliable under pressure. When they get an alert, they won't panic. They'll follow the protocol.
• Reachable. They check their phone regularly. They don't go off-grid for weeks at a time.
• Respectful of boundaries. They understand this is about safety, not surveillance. They won't use check-in data to pry into your life.
• Willing. This is critical. Never list someone without their consent. It's unfair to them and dangerous for you — because an unaware contact won't know what to do.

Who NOT to Pick

• Your elderly parent if the alert would terrify them and they can't physically help.
• Your ex — for reasons that shouldn't need explaining.
• Your boss unless you have an unusually close relationship. Mixing safety and employment creates complications.
• Someone with untreated anxiety — receiving an escalation alert could be genuinely harmful to them.
• Anyone who lives in a completely different time zone and sleeps through notifications.

The Conversation: What to Say

The key to making this conversation not-awkward is to be direct, brief, and matter-of-fact. You're not asking for a huge commitment. You're asking for permission to list them, and explaining what would happen in the unlikely event of an alert.

What to Tell Them: The Essentials

Once someone agrees, give them the minimum information they need:

1. What the alert looks like. "It'll come from Still Here, subject line will say something like 'Still Here hasn't heard from [Name].'"
2. What to do first. "First step is always: try to reach me directly. Call, text, messaging app — whatever usually works. Most of the time, I just forgot to click the button."
3. What to do if they can't reach you. "If you can't reach me after a few tries, use your judgment. You know me. If something feels wrong, you can call for a welfare check or come by. But in 99% of cases, a phone call solves it."
4. Any special instructions. Do you have pets? A spare key somewhere? A landlord or super they should contact? Write it down for them.

Create a Simple "If You Get the Call" Note

Write a short document and share it with each contact. Keep it to one page. Include:

• Your full name and address
• Your phone number and backup contact methods
• Names and numbers of other emergency contacts (so they can coordinate)
• Any medical conditions first responders should know
• Pet information (names, feeding instructions, vet contact)
• Where to find a spare key if applicable
• Your preferred protocol: "Call me first, then call my sister, then — and only if something feels really wrong — request a welfare check."

How Often to Revisit the Conversation

Lives change. People move. Phone numbers change. Once a year — maybe when you renew your lease or on your birthday — check in with your contacts:

• Is your contact info still current?
• Are they still willing and able to serve as a contact?
• Has anything changed in your life that they should know about? (New medications, new pet, moved to a new apartment)

What If You Don't Have Anyone?

Some people genuinely don't have local contacts. They're new to a city, estranged from family, or highly introverted. If this is you:

• Start with one. A coworker, a classmate, an online friend who knows your real name and address.
• Build local connections intentionally. Join a class, a gym, a book club. You're not doing this just for safety — you're building a life with roots. The safety net is a side effect.
• Use what you have. A landlord, a regular delivery person who'd notice piled-up packages, a virtual assistant who'd flag your silence. Imperfect is better than nothing.

And even without contacts, a wellness check-in service like Still Here still provides value: the rhythm itself is protective, and it creates a record of your last confirmed-okay timestamp. If the worst happens, that timestamp helps investigators narrow the window — which can make a real difference.

Read next: The Solo Living Safety Guide: 10 Habits That Keep You Safe →